lickyrlolli

Those of you strong enough to abstain from late night channel surfing are probably unaware that Brooke Hogan has her own reality show. Brooke Knows Best follows the spawn (or spawnette?) of Hulk Hogan as she moves out of the house and plays grown-up. VH1’s web site says of the show: “She’s beginning an adult life with many new responsibilities, temptations, and opportunities as she tries to build a career as singer.” The site promises a colorful cast of “her friends, her roommates, her fellow dancers and choreographers and her producers, songwriters and business associates.” Those people haven’t shown up yet. It’s just Brooke, making pouty, dumb-blond faces while her roommate follows her around the apartment like a jack russell terrier, saying sassy, gay sidekick things once and awhile.  

It’s hard to believe Brooke will be able to create any kind of life for herself; she’s too stupid. In a typical scene, Sidekick and Brooke are interviewing prospective roommates. When asked what kind of person she is, a young, goth-looking girl says she’s into current events. (Brooke seems ill-at-ease just sitting across from this girl, like she’s never seen a pale person before.) Sidekick and Goth-y say they’re both democrats, and Brooke takes the opportunity to tell them she isn’t really into voting. As if that isn’t bad enough, she goes on to say she can’t believe a woman is running for president, because what with our wacky hormones and all, us ladies can’t be trusted to make decisions.

Couldn’t the producers take away Brooke’s mic and just have her goofily pantomime her way through the show? It wouldn’t be all that different. I know she’s being extra dumb for the sake of entertainment, but shouldn’t there be a limit? Even Sidekicky looked pained. Then Brooke suggested they look for hot guys at the beach, and he shouted “Totally!” and leapt into her purse.

I thought the Kardashians were famous exclusively for being rich and self-promoting, and for merging with the Jenner clan. But on Jimmy Kimmel the other night, Kim opened up about her father, Robert Kardashian, and his friendship with O.J. Simpson. This is one of the more interesting aspects of Kardashian family history; why have they not exploited it before now? According to Kim, it was too painful to talk about.

Daddy Kardashian was best friends with O.J. since the two went to college together. Their families regularly vacationed together. Then during the Simpson trial, Kardashian was one of O.J.’s defense attorneys. This was right after the Kardashians’ divorce, and Moms Kardashian had just remarried Bruce Jenner. During the trial, she and Bruce sided firmly with the late Nicole Brown’s family, and showed their support by sitting near them. Kim and Khloe, teenagers at the time, felt loyalty to their father, who believed in his friend’s innocence. The Kardashian family was conspicuously split, with Kim, Khloe and their father on the defense’s side, and Kris and Bruce with the prosecution. Kim says it was tough not to look over at her mother during the trial. The uncomfortable experience prompted the adults to bring the family together. Hence the big, happy, obnoxious family we see today on Keeping up with the Kardashians.

After the trial, Kim says that her dad and O.J. “parted ways,” which seems a noncommittal way of saying that Robert started to question his good buddy’s innocence. Or more likely he’d already started to question it, and wanted to get the hell away from him. After Kardashian’s death of cancer in 2003, Simpson issued a statement saying, “Bob was there when I needed him most.” Did Kardashian ever regret that? Kim’s not saying.

I’m just sayin’, she has been in the gossip rags a lot this summer. In the last few years she got sober, then fat, then emaciated. Now… she’s back to batshit crazy:

In late June, she’s photographed being pushed around L.A. in a shopping cart.

July 1st: she stages a photo op at a Malibu beach when she wades into the water wearing a foot brace, a corset-looking bathing suit, and her guitar, (I guess to remind us that she is, in fact, a singer/songwriter.)

July 11th: she posts an angry and illegible entry on her blog, which seems to be directed at former Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan. It sounds like he promised to attend her daughter’s sixteenth b-day party but didn’t show. But then, it’s so incoherent it’s hard to tell.

Mid-July: Courtney’s blog o’ rage kicks into high gear with another post calling out a famous musician. This time the alleged asshole is Ryan Adams. Apparently he owes her a ton of money, and as a person is “beneath contempt.” That bitch really has a way with words. She should, like, try her hand at lyrics or something.

So Ambre and Bret broke up, can you believe it? I thought he’d really found love this time… just kidding. Now VH1 has announced that the rocker is up for round 3, and this time the drunken slut-fest that is Rock of Love will take place on a tour bus. According to the channel’s VP, Jeff Olde, ”Seasons one and two of Rock of Love shattered ratings records and VH1 is so happy to have Bret back for another outrageous season. This time we’ll reveal Bret in his most comfortable setting- the infamous rock star tour bus.” Hurray, even more vomiting, and vomiting in motion too!

The new season is set to begin in early 2009. The show will follow Bret and his posse of rabid ladies for a month as he tours across the states. Sounds like Bret will be performing a lot of nights then, right? Uh oh, I hope the cameras don’t stick around for that.

Comedian Andy Dick’s been arrested for doing pervy, sexual things while out of his mind on drugs again. It’s not really news-worthy, but his mug shot is way frightening. I don’t know what kind of look he’s going for, I guess halfway house chic. I bet he smells really bad.

According to the L.A. Times, police were called at around 1 a.m. to a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant after a man was seen peeing outside. (From now on, if you see a man peeing in public, just assume it’s Andy Dick and run.) When police arrived, a 17 year-old female said Dick had pulled down her shirt while exiting the restaurant.

Police arrested Dick as he tried to leave the scene in a truck, thankfully driven by someone else. The policeman reported that Dick was “extremely intoxicated,” and they found Xanax and pot in his pockets. I’m not even going to try to recount all the incidents of this kind in Dick’s past, as I already feel kind of sick.

Dayum! Just days away from her 63rd birthday, actress Helen Mirren shows off her impressive bod while vacationing in southern Italy. She was there with her director hubby, Taylor Hackford.

Dame Helen has never had qualms about going au naturel, and has appeared nekkid in films like Calendar Girls and Caligula. She once revealed that she also sunbathes naked at home. This admission prompted the USA Naturist Society to name Mirren their No. 1 celebrity for “promoting healthy nudity.” (I can think of a few celebs who’ve dabbled in unhealthy nudity–Lindsay Lohan and all the girls who flashed their panty-less parts, for example.) So, not only is Dame H. an award-winning actress, she’s also a heroine to nudists everywhere. But then, if normal people looked that good in their 60s, nudity might be a whole lot more rampant.

Khloe, the funny (and some say tranny) Kardashian sister is headed to the slammer for 30 days. (Fortunately for her, L.A. County jail is so packed that it will be more like 3.) The 24 year-old was arrested for DUI in March 2007 and never finished her community service or alcohol-education classes. Hmm, did she think a stint in prison would take her career to the next level? It’s about time someone came out of prison and made the talk show rounds, giving the nasty details, rather than playing tight-lipped and “classy” like Paris Hilton on Letterman. 

Big sister Kim, whose ass has replaced J. Lo’s as the most talked about in Hollywood, confirmed the news on her blog. She writes, “Khloe wants you to know she was sentenced to go to jail in regards to her one DUI case last year. Khloe is ready and willing to serve out her sentence, no matter how long and where, and have this resolved.” 

Khloe’s one of the rare prison-bound celebs who I think might actually be able to hold her own behind bars. Twiglets like Nicole Ritchie and Paris can’t even lift their own shopping bags, but I’m betting Khloe could fashion a shank if she had to.

According to Us Magazine, Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have officially split. The comedy couple had recently celebrated their five-year anniversary. Around the same time, Kimmel commemorated the five-year anniversary of his late night talk show. Silverman contributed a special music video to the show to mark the occasion. Entitled ”I’m Fucking Matt Damon,” the song quickly became a YouTube sensation. Kimmel retaliated good-naturedly with “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck,” which features cameos by Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford and Cameron Diaz.

The couple met at a roast for Hugh Hefner, where, during her routine, Silverman called Kimmel fat and joked that he had no charisma. Apparently Kimmel overlooked the insults, as he soon hired her to do voices in Comedy Central’s Crank Yankers. Silverman says, “[It was] around the second season of that we started hanging out. A while after that he kissed me.”

Before that, Kimmel had been married for 14 years. I was surprised to learn that he’s 40. I still kind of think of him as the boyish, flannel shirt-wearing sidekick to Ben Stein on the Comedy Central game show. Silverman has said she won’t marry until gay marriage is legal, but is she joshing us?

I work at one of the rare places that still sells cds, and recently came across Santogold’s new self-titled release. I knew it was something special from the cover alone. Who doesn’t love glitter, most especially glitter coming in cloud form from someone’s mouth? I thought, either she’s unlistenable, or she’s the fresh sound I need for the summer. Happily, she’s the latter.

You might protest that she’s an M.I.A. wannabe, ripping off the edgy, international, eclectic vibe, to which I say: shut up. I tried to get into M.I.A., and I don’t dislike her, but I wouldn’t call myself a fan either. I downloaded a few Santogold songs and was instantly hooked. Rolling Stone gave the album 4 stars, and calls it ”genre-bending.” Indeed, the songstress combines rock, R&B, reggae, dancehall, dub and punk influences to create her own sound. The music is sexy, addictive and consistently interesting, perfect for hot summer days. My current favorites are “I’m a Lady,” “Lights Out,” and ”Unstoppable.”  

Josh Brolin and a group of other actors and crew members working on Oliver Stone’s film W. were arrested early this morning in Shreveport, LA. Apparently Brolin and his posse were interfering with the arrest of a crew member being nabbed for public intoxication outside one Stray Cats bar. The group caused such a ruckus that police had to call for back-up. Arrested with Brolin was actor Jeffrey Wright, who plays Colin Powell in Stone’s film. (Brolin plays the chief himself.)

Brolin is no stranger to run-ins with the law. In 2004, the No Country for Old Men star was arrested for allegedly striking wife Diane Lane. The couple later claimed it was all just a big misunderstanding. If we can judge by his mugshot, Brolin doesn’t seem too concerned about this arrest either.