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First the 37-year-old actress was taken to the hospital after collapsing on a flight to London. According to The Sun, Ryder’s condition led the plane to make a hasty “priority landing,” after which she was checked into a hospital under a fake name. Gossip mongers are surmising that the original Wino took too many sedatives to combat her fear of flying and had to have her stomach pumped. Anyone who remembers her 2001 arrest for shoplifting knows that the actress has a history of pill-popping.

Now according to British news, Ryder is under investigation for “losing” a very pricey diamond bracelet. The Daily Mail reports that she was lent a bracelet and ring to wear at a Marie Clare magazine party in Spain. She later reported the items missing, saying she gave them to staff at her hotel for safekeeping. The hotel claims it has no record of her handing over the jewels. (Cue the theme from Dragnet.) Italian jeweler Bulgari obviously wants the stuff back and has called the cops to figure out what really happened. My theory is that Ryder popped a few extra Xanax for her fear of magazine parties and consequently remembers nothing. Her defense is probably, ”Diamonds? What diamonds?”