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Heather Locklear was arrested last September for allegedly driving under the influence of prescription drugs. I didn’t know this part, but according to ABC News, a former Us Weekly reporter called 911 to report that Locklear appeared intoxicated and was driving erratically. The reporter proceeded to take pictures of Locklear’s arrest, and later sold the photos to TMZ.com. What a helpful lady!

Alcohol was ruled out as a factor but the former Melrose Place star tested positive for prescription drugs. Now Locklear has plead no contest to the lesser offense of reckless driving, and the DUI charges have been dismissed. She was sentenced to three years probation and a $700 fine. Locklear’s lawyer, Blair Berk, has defended a crapload of celebrity clients in the past, including Mel Gibson, Kiefer Sutherland, Locklear’s ex Richie Sambora, and Mackenzie Phillips. He truly is the patron saint of celebs in legal trouble.  

British pop star George Michael was busted for drug possession this weekend. He was arrested in a public lavatory as the Brits say, after the loo attendent reported him for loitering. The drugs are said to include marijuana and crack. Crack?! I didn’t know he was that far gone. Cops confirmed that a 45-year-old man was arrested on Hampstead Heath, where the Victorian South End Green bathrooms are an infamous meeting spot for gay men who go cruising around the Heath. The area is a quick drive from the mansion Michael shares with partner Kenny Goss.

In 1998, Michael was busted for engaging in lewd conduct in a public restroom in California. In 2006, he was twice arrested for drug offenses. Michael released a statement last night, in which he said, “I want to apologise to my fans for screwing up again and to promise them I’ll sort myself out. And to say sorry to everybody else, just for boring them.” Oh George. The 90’s were a good time for him, but the 00’s–not so much.

According to the great and powerful TMZ, actress Mackenzie Phillips was recently arrested at Los Angeles International Airport for possession of heroin and cocaine. The site reports that syringes and baggies believed to contain drugs were found on her person during a security screening. Phillips was acting suspicious and jittery before the search, and then during it, “a plastic bag containing an [unknown] white substance later identified and tested…positive for cocaine fell down her right pant leg.”

48-year-old Phillips is the daughter of the Mamas and the Papas singer John Phillips, who struggled with drugs and alcohol himself. She is best known for her roles in American Grafitti and the TV show One Day at a Time. Phillips began having serious drug problems in the 80’s, and was subsequently fired from the show, twice. She was in and out of rehab for years, but was clean at least for a period in the ’90s, appearing on the Disney channel show So Weird and Caroline in the City. Phillips, who was reportedly headed to a One Day reunion at the time of her arrest, was released on $10,000 bail.

Seems like what female British pop stars really want to do is box a few rounds in the ring. Amy Winehouse punches fans like she’s swatting away mosquitoes, and now her little sister in trainwreckdom, Lily Allen, shuts up a heckler with her fists.

Lily seemed to be enjoying herself last night at a Soho club, until a woman, rumored to have been French, called Allen a “fucking asshole” as she was leaving. Surely she’s been called worse than that! Lily had undoubtedly had a lot of drinks by that time though, and responded by shouting and throwing a few punches.  At least the singer has a sense of humor about it. Contactmusic.com reports that after battering her insulter, Allen told the surrounding paparrazzi, “Violence is bad.”

Comedian Andy Dick’s been arrested for doing pervy, sexual things while out of his mind on drugs again. It’s not really news-worthy, but his mug shot is way frightening. I don’t know what kind of look he’s going for, I guess halfway house chic. I bet he smells really bad.

According to the L.A. Times, police were called at around 1 a.m. to a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant after a man was seen peeing outside. (From now on, if you see a man peeing in public, just assume it’s Andy Dick and run.) When police arrived, a 17 year-old female said Dick had pulled down her shirt while exiting the restaurant.

Police arrested Dick as he tried to leave the scene in a truck, thankfully driven by someone else. The policeman reported that Dick was “extremely intoxicated,” and they found Xanax and pot in his pockets. I’m not even going to try to recount all the incidents of this kind in Dick’s past, as I already feel kind of sick.

Khloe, the funny (and some say tranny) Kardashian sister is headed to the slammer for 30 days. (Fortunately for her, L.A. County jail is so packed that it will be more like 3.) The 24 year-old was arrested for DUI in March 2007 and never finished her community service or alcohol-education classes. Hmm, did she think a stint in prison would take her career to the next level? It’s about time someone came out of prison and made the talk show rounds, giving the nasty details, rather than playing tight-lipped and “classy” like Paris Hilton on Letterman. 

Big sister Kim, whose ass has replaced J. Lo’s as the most talked about in Hollywood, confirmed the news on her blog. She writes, “Khloe wants you to know she was sentenced to go to jail in regards to her one DUI case last year. Khloe is ready and willing to serve out her sentence, no matter how long and where, and have this resolved.” 

Khloe’s one of the rare prison-bound celebs who I think might actually be able to hold her own behind bars. Twiglets like Nicole Ritchie and Paris can’t even lift their own shopping bags, but I’m betting Khloe could fashion a shank if she had to.

Josh Brolin and a group of other actors and crew members working on Oliver Stone’s film W. were arrested early this morning in Shreveport, LA. Apparently Brolin and his posse were interfering with the arrest of a crew member being nabbed for public intoxication outside one Stray Cats bar. The group caused such a ruckus that police had to call for back-up. Arrested with Brolin was actor Jeffrey Wright, who plays Colin Powell in Stone’s film. (Brolin plays the chief himself.)

Brolin is no stranger to run-ins with the law. In 2004, the No Country for Old Men star was arrested for allegedly striking wife Diane Lane. The couple later claimed it was all just a big misunderstanding. If we can judge by his mugshot, Brolin doesn’t seem too concerned about this arrest either.

Jim Carrey and girlfriend Jennifer McCarthy had a relaxing Fourth of July weekend, strolling a Malibu beach hand-in-hand. The funnyman couldn’t resist a gag though, and at one point donned Jennifer’s bikini, which fit disturbingly well. (That looks like a good, semi-healthy way to cope with paparrazi intrusion: make a joke out of it.)

Now that he’s gone into “serious” film, it’s easy to forget how funny Carrey can be. Remember when he showed up at the MTV Movie Awards acting like Jim Morrison, for example?

On a side note, Carrey may be onto an upcoming fashion trend. Designer Alexander McQueen recently debuted his Borat-inspired “mankini.”

What do you think, ladies? Would you let your fashion-forward gent accompany you to the beach in this?

No, sadly, it’s not Dustin Diamond. Rapper Warren G. was arrested on Sunday when police pulled over Mr. G. and a friend after they ran a red light. Police discovered a serious pot stash in their car.  Apparently there was enough that the two men are being charged not only with possession but with intent to sell. G. was the passenger, so possibly it’ll come out that he just happened to be in the car, but it was almost 2 in the morning, so I kinda doubt it.  

You may remember Warren G. from his recent stint on VH1’s “Celebrity Fit Club.” Surely pot is not the way to go if you want to keep the weight off. Let’s just hope we won’t be seeing him on the next season of “Celebrity Rehab.”

 In case you’ve forgotten, “Indiana Jones” star Shia LaBeouf was arrested back in ‘07 for refusing to leave a Chicago Walgreens. LaBeouf has wisely kept mum about the incident, until now. On Monday night’s Letterman, the actor confessed that he was “pretty wasted” that night after celebrating his 21st birthday. It was a nicotine craving that brought LaBeouf to the drugstore at 4 in the morning, but he kept getting sidetracked. First he realized he needed pimple cream, then an exchange with the store’s security guard made him so nervous he knocked over a rack of candy. Poor Shia, I can relate. I’m always going into Walgreens intent on getting contact saline or shampoo and then I lose twenty minutes in the makeup aisle.

Anyway, LaBeouf ended up leaving and returning to the store three times, and his exchanges with security got more testy until they arrested him. On the upside, police were understanding about his mugshot and gave the star a few extra frames to work his charm. The best part of the interview was the way he kept referring to booze as “the sauce.” What is this, the 50’s? In any case, LaBeouf will run his errands before hitting the magic sauce from now on.